69 days sober, y’all!
I had to hit rock bottom before I made the decision to live a sober lifestyle. Now that I’m sober and have a clear head for the first time in years, I reflected on the reasons why I became sober. My life has certainly changed in so many positive ways since February 11th, 2017!
1.) My life was becoming completely unmanageable.
Alcohol was taking over my life. I was spending money so irresponsibly that I would be late for multiple bills because I needed alcohol. My cable was even shut off at one point. I was putting myself in risky situations that could cause physical harm to myself or others. I was isolating myself and was ripping apart a relationship with my parents (who are my #1 supporters).
2.) My physical health was quickly deteriorating.
When I was in the heat of my drinking, I was eating junk food almost every day. My body craved it. I wasn’t drinking nearly as much water as I should have, and it was rare for a fruit or vegetable to cross my mouth. Exercise was a foreign concept for me. As a result of these poor nutritional habits, My cholesterol was over 300, and my blood pressure was in the “pre-hypertensive” phase.
3.) My happiness had disappeared.
When I was drinking, I numbed all feelings. Period. I did not want to feel anything. Even if I did feel happy for a split second, I felt so low about myself that I thought I didn’t deserve happiness because of my behavior. I felt so guilty and shameful for the way that I was acting that I though drinking was the only way to get rid of those emotions. In reality, drinking made it 10000000x’s worse. As I have said before in a previous post, clinical evidence has shown that alcohol is a depressant. And that’s exactly what it did for me. I felt almost euphoric when I first started drinking for the day, but that euphoria went downhill very quickly as the day progressed. More often than not, my evening would end in tears and/or tearful drunk calls.
4.) I lost interest in things that I once loved.
I have been classically trained to sing opera and musical theatre for over 10+ years. When I was active in my addiction, I did not want anything to do with singing or performing. I sang for a couple of my cousin’s weddings, but I only did it because alcohol was involved and it would make my family happy. I basically never wanted to leave my apartment except to buy alcohol. Watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and drinking rum and Coke was my definition of what I was interested in. When I first started my job as a social worker, I loved it! But then alcohol became the #1 priority in my life and my job performance was slipping. And everyone around me noticed.
5.) More often than not, I was isolating myself from social activities that did not involve alcohol.
It wasn’t worth going to any social event if alcohol wasn’t involved. An activity like that wouldn’t be fun for me. Even if I was forced to go, I would drink beforehand so that I could be social and not “lash out” at my parents or people around me. If I wasn’t at least slightly intoxicated, everyone around me was the most annoying person on the planet. I would get upset at the littlest things, for example: If my mom was breathing loudly, I would snap at her. If I was asked to help out, I would whine and bitch.
As always, One Day At a Time my friends. 🙂
Stay tuned: 5 reasons why I’m happy to be sober will be my next post. 🙂